05/16/2021

Laugh Trek

Don't Wreck Yourself. Laugh Trek yourself.

Serial Killers Launch Their Own Cereal

Serial Killer cereal?  WTF?  Okay… Yeah, I can pretty much read your blown mind.  I know at first blush it sounds just a tad on the weird side of life and death, but guess what – it’s happening.  Killers who kill in a series are, if nothing else, persistent.  And if the most gruesome, violent serial killers around us have their dastardly druthers, we’ll all be eating their tasty crunch come bizarre breakfast time. 

Cereal Killer Crunch

Laugh Trek never ever lets up.  Can you really blame us?  We had to know the absolute killer truth.  We’d heard rumours – don’t we always – that the International Serial Killer Union, aka as the terminally enigmatic ISKU, were planning something really big.  So, we hired top security guards to protect our little cowering asses from the focused killing machines as we chatted about brimming bowls of milky goodness.

LT:  Why Cereal Killer Crunch?  Why now? Why at all?  What in hell’s name are you guys thinking? 

SK: We, as always the case, are always planning and scheming for our next, shall we say kill.  This has been in the hopper for years.  Why now?  It’s simply time.  Do you understand… time (in a low scary voice)?

LT: Bow.  Wow.  Gosh darn meow. You’ve really got that killer voice down perfectly.  No shock.  OK.  So why buy the cereal when we have hundreds of other sugar encrusted kernels to choose from on the market?

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SK: Our Cereal Killer Crunch contains no sugar.  Nothing artificial, nothing unhealthy in the least.  In fact, it’s highly nutritious.  Shocked?

LT:  A little.  Actually a lot – hmmmmm….   I’d have thought you’d want to, you know, kill people with your killer crunch.

SK: We want everyone to lead long lives – until we meet them.  It’s a perfectly balanced equation.

LT:  I see.  Makes sense.  Oh… now is that a bowl of Cereal Killer Crunch on the table there?

SK:  Why yes.  We’ve prepared it especially for you.  Care to sample what thousands of our top serial killers have concocted for you (gravelly scary voice)?

LT:  Maybe.  Gulp.