Bigfoot and Sasquatch join in furry force. The Foot and The Squatch band together to meld and merge their iconic images to open up a family theme park. Move over, Disneyland. House of Mouse meet House of Ape. Get ready, my prime, perky primates for some truly hairy happenings, because here comes Squatch Land.
First off, you must ask yourself: Are your feet big enough to step into their fancy footprints?
Laugh Trek needed all the inside information, so we went on a hunt to track down Bigfoot and Sasquatch. To say it was difficult is a blunder of an understatement.
These boys can move.
Once we had the distinct pleasure of The Squatch and The Foot in front of us, we let loose with as many questions as the powerful pair could handle.
I can’t believe I managed to track you guys down. Nobody is able to do that… well, for forever. Why can’t we find you guys?
Squatch: We have the skills. That’s all ya gotta know.
Bigfoot: Real skills yup.
So, then, how did I do it? I am still not sure.
Bigfoot: We allowed you to track us.
Squatch: You’ve been invited into the circle. Don’t ask, simply enjoy.
Gotcha, Squatcha! Let’s get down to crass brass tacks. The big, bad union or the team up here… The Collabo, as all the cool kids like to say. What the hella is going on? How’d you two become buds?
Squatch: Well, we’ve been admirers of one another for years – centuries, really. We’re also more than a little amused at how much people confuse us for the other. A Bigfoot is NOT a Sasquatch – let’s emphasize that fact right up front.
Bigfoot: Exactly. We don’t call human beings anything other than just that – we’d love the same courtesy. We’re related, of course, but a Squatch and a Foot aren’t the same.
Squatch Land. It’s beyond exciting. Is it going to be as epic and grand as the name suggests?
Squatch: With a name like Squatch Land, can it be anything else?
Bigfoot: We considered calling it Bigfoot Land but it’s just not nearly as catchy.
What can we expect? Great rides, good food – mystery, chills and thrills?
Bigfoot: You’ll eat great and even better, your family will be thrilled and sometimes chilled. And yeah, the ancient mystery of our enigmatic primate cultures shall be shared with human beings – finally.
Sasquatch: Yeah, all that, and you’ll be so jazzed, you’ll come back again and again. Remember our motto: Squatch Land Kicks Ya In Da Crotch Land!
Last question, guys, it’s been amazing talking to you two. The fabled Patterson-Gimlin footage. Hoax or not? We gotta know!
Sasquatch: (chuckles) Drumroll! Completely 100% genuine. That’s Aunt Patty – she was a colorful character and a half. No, it wasn’t some big fat dude in a suit! Don’t you love how she kept looking back at the camera? She was always a big ham.
Bigfoot: We really gotta get a good print of that fabled film footage, so we can put it on a big screen in the park. Yeah, Patterson-Gimlin remains the best film of our kind – up till now. Come to Squatch Land. You’ll be able to record all the video and selfies with our pals that ya want. After awhile, you’ll be simply sick of seeing us – then, when ya miss us, just come back for more!