Laugh Trek

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My Jedi Lightsaber Sucks

Can this weapon suck?

Lightsaber owners remain a unique bunch.  Yes, we know the great number of them contribute to society as honored Jedi Knights.  These noble men and women train for years wielding the deady, yet elegant weapons. However, there’s more than a few lightsaber users these days who’ve never dedicated their lives to the demands of Jedi discipline.

And it’s these owners who are complaining about their plasma swords.

Laugh Trek tracked down some of the most respected and busy lightsaber makers in the galaxy.  We needed to talk about why so many are complaining about the quality and performance of the iconic weapon.

My lightsaber really sucks!  Help!  It’s the complaint we’re hearing more and more.  What’s going on? 

Obviously we can’t speak for or to every Jedi wannabe out there, and there are lots of reasons why their lightsaber may not be performing up to expectations.  But I’ll say this right off the bat – the user may be more at fault than the quality of the weapon manufacture.

I see. So you’re basically saying these complainers are utilizing their weapons incorrectly?

I’d say it’s a good enough theory as any.

They’re clueless about lightsaber implementation?

These are deceptive weapons. 

Can this weapon suck?

At first glance, they look incredibly easy to use.  And then before you know it, you’re cutting off your hand or arm or leg or whatever.  Maybe you’re even cutting yourself in half – you know, it happens more often than we’d like to contemplate.

So what’s the easy answer?  Or is there one? What can we do to improve the experience of the common lightsaber fan or fanatic?

Aside from mechanical issues – and they are usually just not very common – get some training.  Go to your local Jedi Academy. Find an old Jedi Knight and bug em till they make you into your Padawan.  You know – get out there and work hard to learn the art and craft of lightsaber usage.

What if the Jedi trainer who you approach tells you go to hell?

Yeah, well Jedi are rarely so impolite.  Same goes for Sith.  Let’s put things into fine perspective.

They may be direct and certainly efficient in dealing with the Empire, but they’re never rude.  Darth Vader, The Emperor, Darth Maul and even Count Dooku – they may have sliced you up and burned you to a fine crispy critter with their weapon, but I’d bet dollars to donuts they’d never curse you out.