The Terminator intimidates all but the most heroic Sarah Connor emulating warriors. Guess what my genre loving gems? He also shops. Just like everybody else does? Yup! Surprised? It’s an easy mistake. Maybe his tough, metallic exoskeleton exterior prevents us from considering just how human cyborg Termy can be.
From time travelling to assisting Skynet in its bid to dominate the global human populace, Terminator can be a busy bee. He rarely has time for anything other than zooming back into the past to kill the Connors. No, not the ABC sitcom, namely John and Sarah Connor, those two humans who motivate us to fight back and take back our society – however fractured and flawed.
He’ll Be Back… To Shop
Laugh Trek bent standard time and space physics to time travel to an unknown place. This is the human rebellion, after all, and we aren’t going to give away their hiding places to Skynet.
We gathered a group of Terminator engineers and programmers – sort of the team of mechanics tasked with keeping him in tip top shape. Folks want to know – what exactly does Hasta La Vista Baby love shopping for anyway?
LT: Going shopping with a deadly, murderous A.I.? Really? We’re skeptical.
ST: You won’t be after you see our pilot episode. We’re talking pure shopping nirvana. After you see Termy go and shop till he drops – or drops a few bystanders, you’ll become a believer.
LT: This sounds more like a show for Kim Kardashian or some other reality star – Housewives of Dallas or whatever.
ST: Kim Kardashian, eh? Can Kim K travel through a time portal naked and utilized her entire body as a living, pulsing weapon of mass destruction?
LT: Well… maybe?
ST: Fine, Kim K could probably do all of that stuff too, but Termy does it with a monotone drone that fills you full of dread. Sarah Connor! I’ll be back! Come with me if you want to live! You know, the drill. Imagine going to a shopping mall with a guy who says all of that, plus can get you through the crowds like nobody else.
LT: Will he be reviewing all the products he buys online?
ST: Yes, we’ll be using all of social media to promote his purchases – including a few in the future reserved for Skynet. Terminator will set a new standard in shopping and we’ll all, all of mankind that is, will be the better for it.
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