Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, the 9th primary cinematic installment of the George Lucas created Skywalker saga, was with us for an exceptionally brief time.  Can a fictional rise give way to a few good metaphoric cries? Now, thanks to a nifty title change, prepare for a real tearjerker. Here comes The Cries Of Skywalker.

Rise of Skywalker Give Us Galactic Cries

Why are the ever fabled sci-fi Skywalkers crying?  It’s the blubbering question on Star Wars fan’s minds  Now now, true believers, don’t get out those bottles of Murine just yet.  We’ve got your dusty, dry eyes covered. Also, to properly document the film record, we’re talking real tears, not the bottled kind.

Never one to not be nosey where Jedi and their combat comrades are concerned, we yearn for science fiction 411.  Laugh Trek sat down with a few Lucasfilm reps to fully embrace and absorb the real creative Force behind the apparent last Skywalker installment.

In other words, Feel The Melancholy Force, Luke.

Color us infinitely and intricately confused.  Skywalker was on the Rise. However, pop culture’s iconic family name appears riddled with tears.  Who’s crying and why the sad, tragic stream of tears?

Look, we don’t want to give anything away.  And way more than that, we can’t give anything away, because we’d be banished to the Phantom Zone if we did —

Wait a minute!  Hold the friggin smartphone!  Phantom Zone is DC. Superman.  Kryptonian.  You know, the competition.  Watch it, bub.

Ah yes, OK – we’d be banished to being frozen in Carbonite.

Rise of Skywalker is now Cries of Skywalker

Much Better.  Continue.

Yes, Skywalker drowns, they’re completely awash in tears.  We’re only going to turn up and on the waterworks as the movie comes a sobbing out to a kleenex ready public.

So, then, we can expect a serious drama – at least a lot of sob friendy moments?

Fans know the sob heavy score.  Those who saw The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi know Skywalkers should be crying.  After those two cinematic treasures, the sobbing got well underway.  Frankly, it’s a good bet the cries haven’t stopped in the least.

What you’re saying seems to be this:  Even though there may have been lots of crying in the last few Star Wars movies, you don’t want to see bawling in real life.  Correct?

Exactly.  Star Wars fans shouldn’t be crying.  We’re tired of the sad sacks we keep seeing.  We don’t want them to be in tears. Come back to Star Wars, and don’t sob.  Don’t blubber. Don’t bawl. Precious babies with deep pockets, we want you to start buying our merch again.  We want you to go to Disney to see all the great Jedi stuff on sale at the new Star Wars Land – Galaxy’s Edge.  Yeah, don’t cry, little depressed fans.  We’ll try to keep the cries and sobs in the films.

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