Romulans, please, come clean.  Tell us all how you really feel.  Don’t hold back, pointy ear dudes.  Indeed, those long distance kissing cousins of logical Vulcans wish to say something direct to their logical kinfolk.  The warlike aliens aren’t pulling punches. “We’re smarter than Vulcans. Our Romulan empire shines far more glorious, sophisticated and brilliant than your embarrassingly low rent Federation colony world.”

The Dirty Illogical Vulcan Lie

Laugh Trek couldn’t pass up this prime chance.  We hopped a super transporter system and daisy link beamed down to a Romulan bar.  The place was a dive, which is how we like it.  We hung out with a bunch of old school warriors reminiscing on the good, old days. None wanted to talk about anything other than those ever lying Vulcans.

Gotta say, you’ve thrown me for a loop.  Vulcans lie?  With all due respect, especially since you can kick my fat ass, I was always taught the exact opposite.

They laughed at me for a really, really long time.  “No doubt you were taught those lies in a comfy, Federation coddle classroom.  I am sure it was full of instructors whose primary goal was to comfort, brainwash and above all else coddle you till you believed all the lavish lies.”

I don’t feel very coddled, but what does any of that have to do with Vulcans being dumber than you guys or lying?

Vulcan Smarts?

Vulcan Smarts?

One of the larger ones trained his cold eyes on me, “Human, Vulcans are masters of public relations.  For centuries, ever since they had first contact with your, shall I say, simplistic kind, they’ve been manipulating the truth.  Usually called lying.  They lie about their resources, about the integrity of their culture.  Most of all, they lie about their intellectual abilities and the potential of their fabled technology.  Vulcans, without expressly doing so, lie about everything in their feeble reality.  Or, in their sad case, a fantasy and illusion designed to keep your race complacent and trotting obediently on your well trained lease.”

So is this where we come to blows because we’re getting insulted?

“Human, open up your ignorant eyes wide.  Educate yourself.  Judge us by our powerful starships and weapons. Compare our mighty arsenal of cloaked fighters with backward Vulcan tubs.  Simply see things as they truly are.  Your Starfleet keeps on endorsing our sniveling, snobbish cousins, yet to what beneficial end?  What are they getting in return?  Protection?  Status?  A sense of entitlement?  Romulans operate as the most sophisticated and successful humanoid race in the whole of the galaxy.  Embrace this undeniable fact, and perhaps your puny human existence will take on substantive meaning.”

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