Lightsaber logic? Mister Spock, report to your Bridge station. Commander, are you being entirely logical? Through United Federation of Planets grapevine, we hear you’ve abandoned traditional combat training. Jedi Knight lightsaber instruction? That’s definitely not routine fight training Starfleet Officers usually follow. Granted, your crew mate, Sulu, runs around pretending he’s a suave swashbuckler. But a lightsaber? Fascinating. May the Force be with you.
IDIC – Infinite Diversity Infinite Combat?
Feel The Freakin Force, Vulcan
“Lightsabers are logical” – Spock.
Laugh Trek prepared for a most irregular mind meld. We warped to Sector 001 to attend the Lightsaber Training Academy to see what all the Vulcan fuss was about.
The buzz from all the active lightsabers assaulted our hearing. It was pretty intense. We caught up with the Academy instructors – those keeping track of Spock’s lightsaber proficiency progress.
Should we even doubt his success? Is it a given Spock’s already a master of a most elegant weapon from a more civilized age?
“Mister Spock takes to our intense combat training like a drunken Klingon takes to a bloody Bat’leth. His speed scans off the calculable chart. He reminds me of a Romulan vessel cloaking – now you see him, now you don’t. It’s a wonder he didn’t become a security officer rather than a science officer.”
And his fighting instinct? Is it as developed as it is with other students?
“Students. We call them Padawans.”
Padah – what’s a wan??
“Yeah, I know, don’t ask. Since Spock isn’t becoming a full fledged Jedi, we’re only focused on the physical skills and techniques necessary to wield a lightsaber. In terms of his prowling vengefully after an opponent and taking him down for good – it’s not very likely.”
Basically, you’re assuring us Spock won’t be called over to the depths of the Darkside anytime soon or ever?
“USS Enterprise NCC 1701’s 2nd in command impresses us as the most restrained, in control man we’ve ever had pleasure to introduce to the lightsaber. Jedi Masters are taught to carefully control their anger, lest it overwhelm them. Fear and all manner of other emotions and desires must be suppressed. Mister Spock could fairly beat any Master – except for perhaps Yoda – in controlling his emotions. And he keeps dispatching his opponents with something he calls a Vulcan Nerve Pinch. It’s one handy technique Jedi would love to have in their arsenal, I must say.”