eWHOREmony

eHarmony reigns as online dating King.  Where to go from such a lofty, love stained place?  Our rollicking romance website now asks engorged members a simple question – “Wanna date a whore?”  Perhaps a good follow-up is, “Are you a whore?” These are simple, basic dating and romantic queries all must answer.  Now, the biggest name in online dating launches a new service addressing the special needs of the modern day, promiscuous whore.

Harmony Begets Whoremony

Laugh Trek brushed up our online dating profiles with proper embellishment.  We clean up good enough. eHarmony reps were gracious enough to put a hold on member maintenance for a little sit-down.

Whoring powers activate!  I’m a whore.  I’m on the prowl for like minded whores.  I simply go to you guys, and come away with a juicy whore ready to stay, play and stray.  Correct?

“Absolutely!  Now, we can’t guarantee the randy whore you get on eWHOREmony will be as promiscuous and horny as you like em, but yeah, you’ll definitely meet a raging, real life whore!”

eWHOREmony

No Harmony in Whoring?

This sounds seriously wonderful.  It’s also so woefully overdue.

“Our crack development team said the same thing while crafting our WHORE-METRICS.  This is a cutting edge code heavy app which literally graphs real time whore potential.  We’re so excited!”

I bet.  But in the end, what’s so special about eWHOREmony?  I mean, right now, I can go on Tinder or Growler or Prowler or Hornee or Boner or whatever and get my sweaty action – right?

“Sure, we say go for it!  Go get your rocks off!  eHarmony always prides itself on folks hooking up at every level.  However, our advanced eWHOREmony metric app pairs members with a far more compatible whore.  Look, we know the horny swelling which overtakes your loins makes you wanna just bang anyone or anything within banging distance, but what of the lilting afterglow?  What of a bit of cuddling or even grabbing a coffee afterwards?  eWHOREmony increases odds of you grabbing just the right whore for you – that, my friends is worth all the screwing one night stands you can, well, stand!”

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