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Yoda says, ‘Constipated Does My Statue Look!’



Yoda isn’t a happy pointy eared gnome.  He’s definitely not mincing his all inspiring and always powerful words.  Our famed, consistently profound Jedi Warrior trainer now trains his laser focus on the wackiness of the art world.  But this isn’t about mere cultural buzz.  It’s not a trendy gallery party, where guests rave about the liver pate and champagne.  He’s got a few choice words for the artist who carved his statue. Apparently, that tiny lightsaber wielding badass hates a work of art crafted in his very honor.  

In the down home, folksy Force Master’s own memorable words – ‘Fear, or fear not!  Look upon my statue and fear you will be! Constipated does my statue look!’

Yoda Gotta Go Duh?

Laugh Trek charged our lightsabers, as we blasted off into Hyperspace to investigate.  First things first. We’re not art connoisseurs, but we know quality.  We perused the statuesque tribute to Master Yoda’s greatness.  Ultimately, we agreed the green one had a good point, but he was nowhere to be found. Yoda was way too upset to speak on the subject, so one of his Padawan trainees engaged us on the subject.

We’ve seen the statue, and yeah, it does look more than a tad on the constipated side.  We’re duly disappointed, disillusioned and distracted.  What’s the story?

“The Jedi Council, including most importantly of all our Master himself, had no forewarning on this, um, shall we say travesty from the galactic art world.  We do not think this should go unanswered.  Portraying a legendary Jedi Master in this disrespectful way isn’t a tribute nor honor, it’s more than a slight and insult.”

Constipated Jedi?

So what now?  What’s next?  Lightsaber duel?  Brutal Force punches to the groin?  What’s going to become of this cheeky artist?

“Our Master is a gentle and exceedingly forgiving soul.  Remember: He had to train that whiny crybaby Luke Skywalker, that herculean endeavor alone completely speaks for itself.  Then he had to deal with that psychopathic shithead, Anakin – aka Darth Vader – aka Nutjob.  So, yeah, the famous mantle of our Master weighs heavily upon him, but he’s not without his mercy.  The artist will get a proper speaking to – and if he doesn’t make good, well, let’s just say, I would not want to be him for all the Empire credits in the galaxy.”