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Emperor Palpatine Sends A Valentine to the Galaxy

Palpatine Valentine

A Palpatine Valentine

Emperor Palpatine dashes about so quickly, his rapid movements can barely be followed.  He moves around his battle bridge like a cloaked cat.  Naturally, he has no choice but to move quickly.  The unquestioned leader of the Empire may look as if he’s engaged in complex combat strategy. But he’s doing something far more involving.  He is busy sending Valentines to the whole of the galaxy.

Say what?!  Are you kidding me?  A Valentine from Palpatine?

Valentine from Palpatine

Laugh Trek had to see for ourselves if the Emperor himself was getting all sentimental.  And by the look of things, it was indeed true.  Palpatine furiously stabbed at control panels to complete his masterwork of love and devotion.

Are we seeing things?  Is this a hologram?  Help us Obi-Wan Kenobi, we feel like a big, fat dope!  We can’t believe our rebel eyes!

Palpatine Valentine
A Palpatine Valentine

He drawled deeply in that guttural, deep bellows of a drawl.  “Oh, yes, what your rebellious eyes are seeing is exactly what I want them to see.  You’re so simple minded.  But oh how delicious a vengeful repast I prepare for your comrades in arms!”

Wait a minute.  So this is a trap!  It’s no Valentine from Palpatine!  It’s more like a trap from, um, crap!

He laughs crazily, “Call it what you want, young Skywalker!  But now that you are here, you don’t stand a choice but to fully accept my dearest loving wishes, understand?”

Um, yeah, I’m not young Skywalker, and since I’m really just a Force Hologram, you got nothing on me bub!

“No No No!  Where is that useless dog of a servant!  Lord Darth Vader!  Get your disfigured face to me now, Vader!  Stormtroopers report to me at once!  Find this Rebel scum and rip out his cowardly heart!  The only Valentine my enemies will ever receive is of the bloodiest kind from the darkness of the Sith Lords!”