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Rian Johnson to direct Lucasfilm’s ‘The Lost Jedi’

Jedi Can Get Lost

Jedi Can Get Lost

Rian Johnson dazzles us as a man moving maniacally on a movie making mission.  He’s trekking hard on a definitive quest to get lost. Rian’s already lost now, you say?  The guy’s a certified artistic maniac?  Whatever one’s assessment, today the controversial Star Wars: The Last Jedi director’s got way bigger sci-fi fish to buy and fry.  After combined nodding and cattle prodding from Lucasfilm, Johnson caved.  He’s agreed to direct another Disney honed installment of the George Lucas space opera.  And from early reports on how things progress, apparently he’s more than tickled happy to be completely and utterly lost.

Your hyper space capable shuttle awaits.  Fly with us now, to a galaxy, far, far away….  Let’s get this damn pickle tickle started!  

A Last Jedi begets A Lost Jedi

An elated Laugh Trek dove smack dab into Jedi Knight training.  We even watched a few YYT vids, or Yoda YouTube Training videos.  After charging our lightsaber power jewels, we landed a rare chance to chat with Rian Johnson’s associates.  His creative crew appeared to us energized, even jubilant.

Or was it just really good lighting?

We can’t believe we’re in the presence of the creative team which brought the shocked world, The Last Jedi.  

“Funny, you praise being around us in that way.  Shock.  Often, when we look long in the mirror, we still can’t believe we made the darned movie as well!”

The Lost Jedi.  Wow.  Such an awe inspiring title.  I’m overcome with powerful douche chills.  Is it the working title, or can we expect to see that dynamic charge to action on the poster?

“Look, we don’t hide the fact that we’re absolutely, positively lost.  I’m lost. (points around the room at others) They’re lost.  Rian is lost.  Lost In Space?  That sci-fi gem is already taken, so yup, it’s The Lost Jedi for one, for all, and for good.

Jedi Can Get Lost
Jedi Can Get Lost

Nerd Word

What’s the nerd word, guys?  Is Rian doing it for a payday or does he really want to top what he did in Last Jedi – otherwise known as the totally unstoppable untoppable unfloppable?

“Rian bites constantly at his saliva stained bit.  He can’t wait to get started. He’ll bite everything and everyone hard eventually. 

Can we get a little retarded in here?  Let’s slap our real deal cards on the table, OK?  Anyone can make a movie about the last of something –  ‘Last Jedi’ – Gee, that’s great.  How about one where a Jedi is truly lost?  

Or, get this, maybe we somehow lose track of a Jedi.  We look and look, but we just can’t find our Jedi.  They’re gone!  Missing In Jedi.  Like Gone Girl – how’s Gone Jedi sound?  Or Gone With The Jedi!  Frankly, Scarlet I don’t give a damn Wookie doo doo!  These are the bizarre, surreal, though intricately intriguing elements we’ll explore.  Rian is so freakin jizzy jizz jazzed!”

Movie Mechanics

Um, yeah.  Sure.  It sounds like, um, some kinda movie….  But I detect vagueness. Are you saying the screenplay isn’t finished?  What draft stage are we talking?  First?  2nd? Rough? Anything?

“Oh, well, yeah, we’re at zero drafts.  No drafts at all. Nada. Rian doesn’t bother with scripts or pages or drafts or outlines or anything really.  He merely makes stuff up as we go along.  Isn’t it why we all loved The Last Jedi so much we used the DVDs for drink coasters?

The Lost Jedi will be ‘written’ similarly.  And, let me strongly de-emphasize written, because who really writes a movie these days, right?  You make a movie.  You film a movie.  Film!  Write a movie!?  (laughs crazily) I don’t think so!  OMG!  Old fashioned film school schtick, correct?”

No screenplay.  It’s improv?  Going for a Chris Guest creative vibe?  Like Waiting For Guffman, A Mighty Wind or Best In Show?

“Go Bro!  You friggin nailed it like an illin carpenter flashing his nail gun while smoking crack!  We’re gonna do a mockumentary – ala Euro, Asiatic, Latino improvisational style. Hell, we got a gang of jolly Jedi.  They wave a throng of throbbing lightsabers humming and strumming. Rian Johnson dreams a unique vision, just as he did with The Last Jedi.  Mash em all together, what do you get?  You’ll get The Lost Jedi!  In the process, you’ll definitely get a bunch of fans lost.  We want them as lost as we are.  May the freaking Force Live Long with You and Prosper!