Klingon females dazzle the cosmos as cornerstone of Klingon culture.  The alien gals are at ease piloting starships, researching scientific challenges or charging into battle with a Bat’leth alongside male counterparts.  They play an integral role in the warrior society. Now, they offer some pointed criticism on human gals, “Human women are repulsive. They are Butt Ugly.”

A Beefy Bounty on Beauty

Laugh Trek sharpened our edge weapons and made certain we at least appeared battle ready.  We warped to the agreed on coordinates and scored a rendezvous with an elite group of female Klingon warriors.  These gals weren’t playing, they lived and breathed serious combat.  They were so serious, they kept us on our toes, because we didn’t want to crap our pants.

Dilithium damnation!  Phasers set to gob smacked stunning!  You gals make Klingon men look positively wimpy.

“We train better than men for a host of honorable reasons.  Women, in most respects, put males to shame when it comes to fighting.  Klingon women excel in physical exercise, and we look damn good doing it.  We wish we could say the same about your completely repulsive women warriors.”

Balls Don’t Crawl – Don’t Fail Us Now

Glad you brought up this delicate subject.  Honestly, we were afraid to even mention it.  We’re basically afraid to mention anything near you.  Why the hate when it comes to our gals?

She laughs deeply, “This is why your race fails so miserably in combat.  Hesitancy. Trepidation. Timidity. Despite all your supposed advances, the human race remains an embarrassingly timid species overall.  Your human females wallow in fear. And so they paint their shallow, frightened faces to appear fearless. It’s a laughable, transparent facade.  They color their hair, but they simply appear repulsive for all the galaxy to be repelled by.”

Hate much?  Wow.  So what’s the Klingon women’s answer?  What’s your Vogue or Cosmopolitan advice to them for a makeover?

She wiggled her Klingon dagger seductively, “Ditch the gross face point and stop soaking your hair in ridiculous colors.  You are one half of a species – you do not have to play your Terran holiday Halloween each day for benefit of your men folk.  Take back your real beauty. Be yourself. Be a full bodied and full blooded Terran. Starfleet females especially, heed my advice.  When I meet you in combat, I want to defeat a women – not pierce the heart of a painted masquerade.”