Laugh Trek

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George Costanza Finally Opens ‘The Jerk Store’

Costanza's Got A Store

Costanza's Got A Store

George Costanza finally did the down and dirty deed.  The loud mouthed, hyperactive, chubby, bald and terminally stressed out New Yorker went and opened something people have been clamoring for to shop in for years.  The Jerk Store will not only sell everyday, regular jerk merchandise and trade in the jerkiest stuff imaginable, Costanza’s truly jerkwad operation caters to and services genuine Jerkoffs the nation over.

Beef Jerky And So Much More For Jerks

The very notion of waltzing off unprepared to spontaneously visit a jerk store can put off more than a few of even the most courageous soul.  A million questions abound: Is an appointment necessary?  Is it like a Costco or BJ’s Warehouse – must I be a member to shop?  Must I show a photo, or is ID required?  

What can one find to buy in a traditional, old fashioned jerk store?  Plenty.  Of course the only way to sample the dazzling, jerky wares is to pay a visit to the establishment.  Laugh Trek did exactly that, although we were skeptical of what we’d find, we came away feeling like the big jerk offs we probably are.

Costanza's Got A Store
Costanza’s Got A Store

One of Costanza’s many jerky flunkies patrolled on duty when we arrived, needless to say his attitude would have made the biggest jerk on the planet proud.

We’d love to savor all the natural jerk based products.  Do you have any jerky recommendations for us to relish?

“Listen, bud, I’m not in any mood.  The stuff is on the shelves.  Any moron with half a brain can see what we have for sale here.  You want nursemaid customer service – go march your fancy ass down to Macy’s or Nordstrom’s or whereever.  Here, ya see what ya get and get what ya see.”

Whoa.  How friggin jerky.  Off to a good, douchey start.  Hey, can we buy a platter of shrimp here?  We really love shrimp–

“Whoa… Whoa… Hold the damned phone!  Shrimp!? You want shrimp? This is The Jerk Store!  You wanna gorge yourself like some greedy pig on shrimp?  Go to a damn Red Lobster! Now who the hell is the damn jerk!?”