Poseidon finally speaks – in his infamous, inimitable watery fashion. He’s going on the record at full throttle. The legendary god of our oceans promises he has something vital to say to rival Aquaman. Extreme watery guy vs watery guy? Fish Tank rumble tumble? Is it the coming of a titanic wet smack down?
Confusion or Misdirection?
Laugh Trek slipped on our protective wet suits and we dove down deep to get Poseidon’s misty thoughts. The oceanic titan held court among his loyal fishes under the sea. After enjoying seaweed sushi appetizers, he gushed us a damp earful.
“I’ve been patient for decades now, but it’s getting truly stupid. Every time I meet someone new, they ask me, ‘How’s Superman? Is Batman really as much of a superior douche bag as I’ve heard? Are you dating Wonder Woman? Does Flash constantly eating everything sight irritate you? Blah Blah blah…. Enough! People, I am not Aquaman! I don’t hang out with the damn Justice League. Whole thing’s such a friggin downer.”
Old School Pool
Aquaman, what say you? Will you make it right and swim the line?
“The guy’s a textbook slacker. I’m not waiting around for a breakthrough. He goes around like he’s top fish. Bro, I was here first. I am the original wet man. I am reason you exist. Let’s not forget who’s Supreme Lord of the Sea. You wanna drink at my fountain? I can arrange a round of cocktails you won’t soon forget.”
We’ve been properly educated, informed and downright touched on this mix-up. But we have one lingering question. Aquaman’s an issue, but there is another. What of famed brine dweller, Sub-Mariner? As name of another super powered water dude met him, Poseidon paused long, he glared at us angrily, then swam away with such force the backwash knocked us for a loop. Anybody got a sub to gets us home?