Candy Ass

Glass is barely transparent in theaters and a sequel has been announced.  Candy Ass Glass, a fascinating new chapter in M. Night Shyamalan’s popular movie series approaches.  Audiences were overwhelmed by Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson in Unbreakable.  Then, we thrilled to actor James Mcavoy (X-men: First Class) hamming it up big time in Split.  Finally, we took a deep sip from sheer Glass.  Soon, we’ll all marvel to its candy ass continuation.

This ‘Glass’ Candy Ass Has Class

Producers became so overly excited over the upcoming production, they’re besides themselves.  Hollywood hotshots jiggle and wiggle in a sugary high. “It was a labor of love, coming off the other two – Unbreakable and Split.  Filming Glass challenged us for sure, and now, we set our sights on a genuine ass of a movie.  Candy Ass Glass may not be the most compelling of them all nor exceptionally frightful, but we will tell you this much – you’ll definitely feel a tingle in your big, fat backsides from it.”

Still, the title worries us.  Candy ass?  Doesn’t it clearly communicate cowardice or fakery?  Or simply a cheap ass movie?

Candy Ass

Candy Ass

“We’re aware of the many facets and narrative elements to our title, but it was the only one to pick.  The third installment focuses strongly on Samuel L. Jackson’s character, since Unbreakable and Split gave us backstory to Bruce Willis and James Macavoy’s characters respectively.  A newly christened super hero ass toots it up in Candy Ass Glass.  Trust us, he’ll be more than worth the wait.”

We need to be assured our movie going experience will be well rounded.  Fast food tie-ins? Marketing? Merch? What can we expect in terms of oodles of usless crap to buy?  “Candy Ass Glass overwhelms your absolute sense of reality with the most ridiculously wasteful merchandise ever.  We’re going to outdo ourselves by throwing together truly ass worthy crap. Rejoice! Make your credit card red ass hot for our painted, plastic garbage!’

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