Elf On The Shelf won’t sugar plum fairy coat their complaints. The long running Santa Claus labor force unified on strike, and those little elves on shelves wag their magical fingers straight at the big guy himself.
Elves On Shelves Strife
“They can be pissy little buggers! Ho! Jolly! Ho! Ho!” bellowed a slightly inebriated Santa. “I’m not too sure they’re even safe around kids, but they work so cheaply! Of course, they’re beefing it up saying I don’t treat them well. I say it’s all a big PR stunt for better benefits. Well, let them strike. I’ll fire their teeny weeny butts and get on with business! Ho! Ho!”
Laugh Trek got a few elves on shelves to speak up for the rest of their laboring clan.
“He’s a real slave driver. We’re tired of working for this bozo for next to nothing. Candy canes? Gingerbread houses? Gumdrops? Are you friggin kidding us? That may have worked with our grand-fathers, but we want stock options, PTO and bit coin. Anything else is just offensive – like that old geezer’s rancid breath!”
As usual, Mrs. Claus tried to steer through the chaos diplomatically.
“The Elf On The Shelf work hard. My hubby works hard. They have to come to a resolution. These kids need to be monitored. We’re not big brother, certainly, but we do have a reputation to uphold. Elves, buck up and fly right, and maybe Santa will give in to some of your lesser demands.” The elves responded bluntly, “Watching these little brats is no picnic. You can’t imagine the crap they pull. It’s hellish. As for Mrs. Claus sticking up for the fat bastard, his wife has to sleep with the old buzzard – no shock she’s being so noncommittal. Wifey Claus diplomacy.”