Smurfs are back.  Rejoice and celebrate, blue lovers!  Those little guys can’t stay away from us for long.  This time, however, don’t expect overly cutesy or harmless playtime.  ‘Smurf Turf’ heads to Netflix, and all notions of playful antics of old school smurfdom must be tossed permanently aside.

Smurf Turf Ain’t Child’s Play

What’s the sitcom’s tone?  Fun in the sun? Made in the shade?  Insanely wacky? A supervising producer clued us into forthcoming smurfy antics.

“It’s simple.  This is their turf.  Their hood.  Smurfs are completely pissed off.  Wouldn’t your people be angry as stolen shit if they were tortured as the blue guys have been over the years?  They’re tired of that big asshole Gargamel and his ferocious cat attacking their adorable village. Both constantly threaten their peaceful existence.  Hell, that ugly psycho has nearly exterminated the lot of them on more than one occasion. Enough bullshit!  Smurfs are back, babies.  You know they ain’t playing.”

A Papa Protects

Noble Papa Smurf protects his flock.  He’s a blue man on a mission. Come Gargamel attacking them, Papa can’t wait to mix it up.

“Magic is great.  Sure is, folks.  Spells and potions work wonders.  I can still whip up a handy magical defense. But I’m gonna hit that punky jerkwad with finely tuned MMA.  I’ve been working out for years now. I earned my advanced master belts in Brazilian Ju-Jujitsu, Krav Maga and Capoeira.  Name a martial art, Papa knows his extreme Kung-Fu.  Let that evil asswipe try to screw around with my blue lovelies.  I’ll deliver a smack down of epic proportions on his sorry ass.  Can ya hear bitch Gargamel screaming for bloody mercy? I know I can!”

Laugh Trek valiantly tried for a quote, but the villainous wizard, Gargamel, couldn’t be reached for comment.