Spock is coming clean.  Confession is good for the Vulcan Katra.  He’s finally dishing out the intimate secrets of serving aboard the fabled Starship USS Enterprise 1701 – under Captain James T. Kirk.

Transporter Secrets

Spock, Son of Sarek of Vulcan and Amanda of Earth, had this to say about a peculiar side effect of the transporter.

“As a Vulcan, I cannot lie.  I must admit to more than some discomfort while transporting.  This is not the hysterical ramblings of Dr. Leonard McCoy, who exhibits a true pathological fear and hatred of the primary way we travel today.  Such obsessive behavior is beyond pathological.  Physician, heal thyself.  No, I speak of true biological discomfort.  I am talking about digestion ailments – what humans would call gas and bloating.”

The Vulcan Science Officer makes it crystal clear – he is now going to discuss bathroom issues.  This is something wholly radical, as most Starfleet Officers can’t even utter the term or concept.  Because of this savage reluctance to discuss the health topic, many have speculated there may not even be restroom facilities on Federation starships.

He’s Constipated, Jim

Spock neatly summed up his bathroom brouhaha, “I am plainly sick and tired of humans refusing to speak about relieving themselves.  It is a healthy and required function which all living creatures necessitate in their daily functioning.  Here it is now and loud:  Often after transport, I feel as if I need to move my bowels.  Take a dump, if you will.  Is this revelation shocking?  Perhaps.  But I give you my simple truth.  As the hip Federation kids say today, Deal.”