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Frankenstein Asks: Why In The Unholy Hell Do You Love Zombies More Than I?

Frankenstein Over Zombies

Frankenstein Over Zombies

Frankenstein finds himself stuck in a real doozy of an existential crisis.  How does the Frankenstein Monster – the original corpse come back to life – one of the first real examples of a ‘zombie’ in Western literature, deal with his being overshadowed by the common rabble of the brain eating zombie, or the walking dead?  This year marks the 200th anniversary of the misunderstood guy who just can’t stay dead.

Monster Or Social Scientist?

Zombies shamble haphazardly around us everywhere today.  You could even say we’re under attack by an all out assault – a zombie plague of epidemic proportions.  Their rotted stink is a stench few can rid themselves of – unless you stopped watching TV or going to movies.  The Walking Dead, Z-Nation, World War Z, the zombies are here in force, and a certain revivified corpse is simply disgusted by it.

Who would be the best to comment on all of these dead divas?  We had to reach out to the most famous reanimated corpse in history to get his take on the zombie craze.

“I thought it was simply a passing fad.  How could zombies last so long?  I thought they’d leave this mortal coil, to stumble away aimlessly,  yet still return to their fetid pit in the ground – to resume positions in their burial places.  But no, it has not ceased.  They just keep multiplying like dead rabbits.  There is no getting away from them.  I am sick of it.”

Frankenstein’s Monster – or call him just plain old Frankenstein at this point, most everyone does anyway – yearns for those simple days when he was the only reanimated corpse in town.

Frankenstein Yearns For The Old Days

How does he answer the charge that competition is making him insecure or even jealous of the new, dead kids on the block?

“It is only because my own legacy, my literary reputation has become sullied by these stinky creatures?  Or am I being haunted, even dominated by my own green eyed monster?  I would say that’s far too simplistic a theory.  I simply challenge the passionate fan base who adore these certified brain dead and brain eating things – is it all you crave to experience in the exploits of your undead heroes?  Don’t you yearn for a time when the undead made conversation, however minimal?  Don’t you recall the dead sparring with you verbally, instead of simply trying to gorge on your gray matter?”

The Frankenstein Monster ended his lecture with an examination of the dynamics and interrelationships beyond that of purely survival instincts.  He asks solemnly, What of romance? “What of the flesh of the lonely heart?  My own experience in that arena ended disastrously, however, the heart wants what it wants.  My own bride may have spurned me, indeed, but the attempt at a union, however feeble was made.  These trendy creatures simply feast on flesh, but do they know the heart?  My own heart breaks so wholly because of this sad truth.”