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Dracula Speaks: Please Stop Comparing Me To Batman

Dracula & Batman

Dracula & Batman

Dracula Unleashed.  It’s how we describe our incredible chance to interview him, after the legendary vampire reached out to us.  Despite our plea for a more wide ranging chat, the Count from the Carpathians demanded we focus on DC’s Dark Knight of Gotham.  Here, Dracula speaks to us about that other bat themed pop culture icon, and reveals he’s not a happy vampire.  The Lord of the Undead, the King of the Vampires, the Count of Counts wishes you to know something which really bugs him.  He’s tired of being compared to Batman.

Dracula Unleashes

Why does Batman bother you so much?  What’s your problem with him?

I have no problem with this Gothic man of bats.  My central issue lies in the chronic promotion which convinces the gullible of your ill informed society that he is somehow my equal or even my chosen successor.  This human is simply – a human.  He is a mortal.  I am so far removed from him as to make any comparison purely childish.  It makes those who truly know me laugh!  (chilling laughter)

You really have that spine chilling laughter down perfectly.

Ah, from centuries of constant, careful practice.  Your praise is observant and much appreciated.

So, Batman is stealing your limelight.  You were the original batman.  He’s a disrespectful newcomer, is that about right?

Again, I shall repeat and make careful emphasis, this hero of yours – this comical book figure cannot possibly take anything away from my legend.  He is not one who operates elegantly in the nether regions of the other side.  How can I, who holds irresistible purchase in multiple worlds, and for so many centuries, be upstaged by one who’s only existed for several decades?  Blasphemous!

Christopher Lee
Christopher Lee

Do you ever watch his movies?  Or is it simply too painful?

I understand the cinematograph is a wonder of the civilized world.  However, I do not have time for such diversions, although I have heard his performances elicit praise.  How delightful for his grand ego.  I seem to recall many filmed stories detailing my own exploits as being quite popular in theaters all over the world.  In this area, it appears we compare evenly.

Now that we’re on the subject, what is your favorite Dracula film – or are there too many to choose from?

(chilling laughter)  There are far too many to choose from, yes, and they number far more than those of The Batman! (roaring laughter)

Good point.

Yes, there are far more cinema treasures depicting my fable than of a human dressed in a fairy costume pretending to be one of my dazzling kind!  A vampire!  Such Gothic fun we’re having, aren’t we BAT MAN!  Gotham City’s man of bats gets more of his share of comedy books, but shall he ever eclipse me – the Lord of the Undead in the arena of the cinematograph?  We know the plain and honest answer, do we not?

Gary Oldman
Gary Oldman

Yes… Indeed.  So we do.  Who played you best on the silver screen?

Those two British actors, Christopher Lee and Gary Oldman – both captured my haunting essence in different wonderful ways.  Bravo to these impressive thespian men who do so proud the performing arts.

And we all know Gary Oldman even starred in a few Batman movies.

Did he now?  How delightful!  I shall employ one of your quaint colloquialisms.  He was slumming.  (roars of evil laughter)

Thank you, Dracula.  And also thank you for not biting me.

Do not mention it.  Eh…  You are much too skinny anyway.