Alfred Pennyworth is finally ready to spill the beans.  The indispensable administrator of Bruce Wayne’s stately manor announced today he’ll soon pen a scathing tell-all.  What mortifying morsels can we expect to pluck from the undoubtedly juicy volume?  Publisher Penguin Books promises a real authentic page turner from Mr. Pennyworth.

Butler Business

Pennyworth’s been a valued member of the Wayne family for years.  His completely classy public image and wholly discreet manner define trusted employee.  So, why now?  Why finally give the world a unique peek into the life of one of the world’s most fascinating, yet reclusive billionaires? 

“Master Bruce is my long time employer.  He is also my good friend.  Whatever trash the more cynical reader expects to carry out from my book will be strictly their own wicked delusion.  I intend on painting as accurate a portrait of my fascinating time serving the Wayne family.  You can wallow in the muck and mire of the sensational tabloids and other filthy rags, mine won’t be included in the same category”

Will We At Least Get A Penny’s Worth?

Really, Alfred, it sounds perfectly charming, but we have to be cautious.  Why should we consider buying this little safe puff piece?  What’s so interesting about the Wayne family, if you don’t include the real deal – warts and all?

Pennyworth smiled thinly at our challenge, “Master Wayne is a billionaire.  Billionaires aren’t known to go to bed at a proper time in the evening after a hot cup with the evening news.  If my prospective readers can’t appreciate that, perhaps they had better stick to those 3D feature films at the cineplex or finding Poke Men on cell phones.”

Pressed for a substantive comment on his right hand man’s forthcoming memoir, Bruce Wayne would only coyly say, “Alfred’s led one hell of an interesting life.  I wish I did half the cool stuff he’s done in his colorful time.  He’s not simply my butler or Wayne Manor’s majordomo – he’s his own man.  I can’t wait to read it myself.  Alfred wouldn’t even let me glance at a rough draft.  I just hope he gets my nighttime activities down accurately.  They can be unusual… to put it mildly.”