Ferengi Quark plans on making a big noise in the lending arena.  He’s just announced he’ll be opening up a lending and credit firm.  The notoriously successful businessman, a crafty legend in galactic commerce circles, promises a new kind of personal customer service.  Believe it or not, it’s all based on his very successful tenure as a barkeep. 

Quark Means Loans

Quark, whose bar and holosuite business flourishes on station Deep Space Nine, gave us a quote which encapsulates his firm’s mission statement.

“You need credits.  We have credits.  You need gold pressed latinum.  We have plenty of latnium.  We simply love the fact that you, good customer, are flat dead broke!”

Ferengi are known the galaxy over as go to guys for cold, hard cash.  Liquidity seems to be as natural to them as having those enormous ears.  And use those ears they do – keeping a lookout for new economic opportunities has always been the Ferengi way.  

While most alien races say ‘keep an eye out for trouble or keep an eye on this or that’, with Quark’s race, it’s all about those ears.  Ferengi say:  “Keep an ear out to the wind – the water, the dirt or anywhere else you may hear about new profit potential.”

Bar Business Brainstorm

Quark isn’t shy about how he came up with his idea for the new banking venture.  After all, if your bartender doesn’t know you’re tapping out in the finance department, who would?

“My customers are my lifeblood.  They’re pure gold – well, gold pressed latnium, certainly.  I know how they think and what they drink.  One thing’s for sure – they sure do drink a lot!  But seriously, I know what they need – as in how desperately and how much financial assistance they need.  Quark’s Lending is all about desperation.  Creditor’s are knocking down your forcefield.  Shields up!  Red Alert!  Come down to see Uncle Quark!  Your desperate measures are music to our caring ears!”

What about all those nasty, little details; the actual lending rates, and the rest of that important fine print?  Says Quark, “Oh don’t let any of it discourage you!  You’ll get your loan for sure.  We don’t turn away anyone.  As for paying us back, we’re very flexible.  My loan collectors are all former military.  They know all about discipline and service.  And if you’re a little late in your payments, don’t worry.  Those interest rates are simply adjusted.  You simply can’t lose!  And neither can we…..”