George Lucas & Friends

George Lucas wants a powerful Force back in his daily life.  The creator of Star Wars, who sold the ‘galaxy far, far away’ to the house of mouse back in 2013, plans a huge, galactic buyback.  Five years later, Lucas can’t imagine why he did the deal and he wants it all back now – for only a cool $50 billion.  Light up my laser taser lightsaber!  Bantha fodder?  Jawa juice?  Droid doo-doo?  As Yoda might say, “Big moolah that be!’

Loony Lucas?

Jedi and Sith insiders alike are buzzing with geeky glee over this seismic sized disturbance in the force.  They’re speculating that Lucas may have finally flipped his lid.  Buy back Star Wars?  Fifty billion?  What the hell is going on in the fertile noggin of the man who gave us jolly Jabba The Hutt and greedy Greedo’?  

Says Lucas, “What can I say, I mourn for them all the time.  I need Yoda, Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and even that horrible Jar-Jar Binks back in my daily life.  They are mine.  They always will be mine.  I miss them terribly.  They need to come back into the warm, nerdy fold.  Back to the Lucas land of dreams.  Boys, scantily clad princesses, bounty hunters, droids, you’re all coming home to Papa Lucas soon!”

George Lucas & His Friends

George Lucas & His Friends

Walt Disney Isn’t Going Dizzy Deal Yet

Disney reps confirmed the film director’s crazed interest in hyperspacing his flock home, but not the actual ink drying on the contracts, “If George Lucas wishes to buy back what he sold us for over ten times what we paid for it, we only must say with gusto May The Financial Force Be With Him, because we don’t take plastic.  We only make plastic Star Wars toys.”

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