Jedi are in it for life? Not so fast. Before you say they are loyal and committed to the lifestyle until they’re either old trainer vets like Yoda or someone slices them in half, I’d like to introduce you to Bob. He wouldn’t commit to another name. During our chat, he wore his robe and hood to mask his face. He also said he’d wipe my mind of his identity using Jedi mind tricks, but since he’s a dropout I highly doubt he could pull it off. In any case, here’s my chat with Bob – Jedi School Dropout.
I’ve heard of high school dropouts and beauty school dropouts, but Jedi school dropouts – that’s a new one.
Yeah, well, it always confuses people. You’re either some big name goodie two shoes like Obi-Wan or Luke Skywalker or some bad ass Sith like Darth Maul or Darth Vader. Nobody ever thinks Jedi dropout. But here I am, so yeah, they do dropout. Least I did.
How many other Jedi in your class dropped out?
I really couldn’t tell you for sure. Maybe one other. She was one of those lizard alien types. I never could understand her speech or even when we’d do the mind tricks. But I was never so good at that stuff, you know… so I dropped out.
Yeah. Of course. So… why did you dropout? Was it that bad? Or are you just not cut out to be a lightsaber wielding hero?
You know I’ve thought a lot about it. It’s been nearly 10 years since I quit Jedi school and I just think I should have been a farmer.
Really!? The way Jedi great Luke Skywalker started out as a youth?
Yep. I have a down payment on a little parcel of land on Tatooine. I want to do the whole deal. Nice farm. A few beat up droids. Just live a simple life working the land. Dealing with those little shithead con men Jawa can be rough, but in every life a little rain’s gotta fall.
You’re basically saying being a Jedi isn’t all it’s cracked up to be?
I guess. Those mind tricks were murder to me. I’m no magician! And the saber stuff. I never could get the lightsaber practice routines down safely. I’d always fumble wielding it and end up burning myself or severing off the limb of a friend. Not fun.
I’d imagine it wasn’t. Thanks Bob. It’s been eye opening. I appreciate you baring your soul like this.
Glad I could dispel the myth of the selfless Jedi warrior. I want to discourage other screw ups like myself from wasting their lives pursuing the Force. Trust me when I say for backwards types like me, it’s really the Farce.